Warnings
Warnings, cautions, and other confidence-building language
This page is fictional, satirical, and not medical advice. It exists to explain why the label keeps talking after the confidence has already arrived.
General warnings
Do not take JO-EL products if you are allergic to JO-EL products, active ingredients, inactive ingredients, bottles, labels, consequences, or personal growth.
Do not use this site to diagnose yourself, your manager, or your cousin’s wedding guest list.
Side effects
- Premium disappointment.
- Receipt acceptance.
- Lowered expectations.
- Sudden awareness that the fine print is the product.
Drug interactions
These fictional products may interact poorly with caffeine, confirmation bias, group chats, self-help podcasts, and any note app containing the phrase “just one quick thought.”
Storage instructions
Store at room temperature, away from ambition, and in a location where your most annoying coworker cannot reach it.
When to ask your doctor
Ask your doctor if the label starts sounding more reassuring than the thing it is supposed to fix.
When your doctor asks you to leave
Leave immediately if your doctor starts using the words “maybe” and “not really” in the same sentence.